well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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