I think im going to throw up on grandma
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
