I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
