i may or may not be watching the land before time
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
