No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
