Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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