Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Randomize
