so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
