I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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