On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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