I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
