Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
as a side note pls kill me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
