The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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