tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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