she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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