Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
