It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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