He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
