just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
