I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
