bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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