All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
