He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Everclear isn't food dammit
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
