I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
