i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
