just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
