ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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