I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
