my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
