my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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