Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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