so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
