So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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