Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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