I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
