Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
