fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
