Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
