my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
