Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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