i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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