apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Everything about him screamed your future.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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