im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I should be sponsored by Trojan
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I pour the whiskey from now on
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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