too bad you live with your parents still
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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