there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
