am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
