I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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