I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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