If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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