I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
