You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm both gender and math confused
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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