By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
