I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
