I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize