she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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