I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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