Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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