i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
