You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize