He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
