I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
this hospital has no fireball
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
