I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
