If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
