Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I want her autograph on my taint
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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