Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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