Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
