im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
