can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
