I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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